I need to stop doing this to myself. Every year I stand on a balcony overlooking the town centre and yell “no! no more of this!” while frustrated men of all ages walk past and raise their fists in solidarity with my futile cause. But, like a non-sexual form of masochism, I find myself returning to FIFA’s annual offering time and time again like an abused spouse returning to their partner. Because hey, nothing says ‘I love you’ like a swift kick to the balls, right? Anyway, FIFA 13. Continue reading



A song to listen to while reading:

There’s no two ways about it. I am, to the point of it bordering on creepy, a fan of zombies. I own all six of George A. Romero’s “… of the Dead” films, the 2004 Zack Snyder Dawn of the Dead remake, Shaun of the DeadZombies of War, Charlie Brooker’s Dead Set, both of Max Brooks’ books, at least 3 Resident Evil games, Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, even the complete Marvel Zombies comic story. So what does this tell us? Well, two things. Firstly that I think I might have solved the mystery of why girls won’t talk to me. And second that I’m likely to be saying some rather nice things about The Walking Dead (FX). Continue reading

The Real Reason We All (Rightly) Hate The X-Factor

Britain’s latest answer to the Victorian travelling freak shows is slowly limping towards its climax with a tedious inevitability. Yes, it’s The X-Factor (ITV 1) which, despite apparently losing about 2 million viewers a season, seems to just about be holding on to its customary grip over this country’s media outlets and our collective consciousness. Continue reading


I can’t be the only one who’s noticed there’s often a slight dip in quality in the TV schedule every day between about 6am and 11pm when the quality programming starts. It’s all either Channel 4 documentaries about a lady who married the concept of dismay, or a BBC One show where Dominic Littlewood shouts at tradesmen. So, seeing as the alternative is bonding with the family or reading an improving book (stop laughing), I found myself flicking through the more obscure channels while waiting for South Park to come on. And let me tell you, once you ignore all the programmes about obese babies or comedians called Russell jumping about on BBC Three you can actually pick up some surprisingly good shows. The First 48 (Crime Channel) is one of these. Continue reading


It was once said by… someone, that one of the most important parts of having a successful movie franchise is knowing when to stop. I’ve just realised that this last sentence has kind of given away my entire opinion on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, but there’s a page and a half left on this, so stick around. My point is that sequels to popular films are NEVER anywhere near as good as the original. It didn’t work for Ghostbusters, it didn’t work for Jaws, it didn’t work for Meet the Parents, and it certainly has never worked for anything George Lucas has ever gone near. The only film franchise that was even remotely passable was Back to the Future, but to be honest even that was pushing it a bit. Continue reading


As a poor student I find it hard to afford games, which means I’m going to have to wait until Christmas to play any of the big new releases, except Arkham City. As such, I find myself having to either trawl the internet in search of games or just play Red Dead Redemption again. Of course, I forgot that about 98% of internet games are terrible, and became very short of article ideas until I remembered that Minecraft has a new update out, so I’m going to talk about that. However I quickly realised that it’s pretty much the same as it has been for the last 6 updates; there’s potions now, though, just in case you were worried Minecraft didn’t quite have enough pointless shit before, and now there’s hardcore mode, which is essentially regular Minecraft, but the important distinction is if you die the game deletes your world and you have to start over. Now if there’s one thing I like it’s a challenge, and as a regular player it seemed to almost be my duty to try out the new update, so I decided to jump straight into that and record my thoughts. And if you don’t like it then kindly shut up, because it’s my webpage and I can do what I like. Continue reading


I have to be honest, I don’t often look towards the future. If you believe anything you read or see it’s all going to end one of 2 ways: either we’re all going to die from fire or flooding; or China’s going to buy all of us and force us all to make inferior products for Mattel. One small shred of comfort, though, is that, if the last one’s anything to go by, we’re not due a religious rapture. Although Simon Cowell’s massively fixed TV shows still exist, so maybe it’s just taking a little longer than everyone thought. The general consensus is that we’re all going to die because we’ve buggered up the environment, so Brink’s had the good idea of showing us what that future will be like. Continue reading